The Tale of Two Realities

July 15, 2023

We are in a spot that is feeling impossible, but by faith it is not. I am determined to anchor myself to God as my deliverer. Lord, give me your word that gets me through this day. May my emotions bow a knee of recognition that you are faithful and always active on my behalf. My emotions are like little gossips of calamity. I can and will acknowledge the reality that my emotions speak of, but I will not make hasty moves based on the story they tell. I will worship. Music moves me. The Word of God grounds me.

How is it that God places me in families that do not want me? There is such grief associated with the loss of possibility. It doesn't seem that there is a way to reconcile this whole thing. God surely has a plan. It hurts, but I will not lose myself. If God is for me who can be against me? He makes all things work together for my good. If there is anything that is offensive in me, prune it. I cannot stay steady without your Word. I cannot function without you. I am going to lay this hurt and rejection right here. I am trusting what you are doing even though I don't understand. I don't want to feel it, but I will. This is so much at one time. 

Present Day Reflection

The impending loss of our business and livelihood and seemingly irreconcilable family conflict brought overwhelming emotion and uncertainty. Loss and grief are familiar territory, but it doesn't threaten me in the same way it used to. Everything in the path of obedience is mine to steward moment by moment in speech, conduct and prayer, but the outcome is God's. I am content with the current reality, while remaining open to the process and the possibility of a different future reality.

Question:

Anxious attachment says, I must over explain and fix it, avoidant attachment says, it is what it is, secure attachment says, this hurts, but I will remain stable, differentiated and open to collaborative repair and communication. Which one sounds familiar to you?