When in Doubt Tell the Truth

March 24, 2014

"When I find myself in a place that is not easily understood or comfortable to my emotions, I am inclined to escape it, fix it or soothe it. There is a completely different reality to behold in embracing it. When I become unable or unwilling to feel it, define it, label it and file it accordingly, I cannot heal from its assault against me. This life is hard. Sometimes I want to speed up the process and get to the purpose of all of this. I find that I prefer abuse to abandonment. I want desperately to be physically and emotionally protected, but I expect to be devalued or punished. I am keenly aware of my need for reassurance or maybe a guarantee of some kind. He said He would never leave or forsake me. My fear has trumped His guarantee. Help me to understand how to address it. I want to sort this out and throw away this abandonment filter".

Present Day Reflection

  My memory held scripture, but it also held my trauma, grief and loss. I was looking for a guarantee and I had it, but I didn't trust it. There are two realities operating. I was aware of both, but unable to fully understand why I could not exchange mine for His.

Question:

How do we reconcile the truth we know with a freedom we cannot seem to access?

"When in Doubt Tell the Truth" Mark Twain